6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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