we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize