can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
