I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
