oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
