hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize