2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
