Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
