3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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