could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
