In the future we'll all be gay
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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