and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
