Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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