I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
