I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
COCAINE IS GR8
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
