hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
