Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize