I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I wish I only lived at night.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
