so that wasnt chicken after all
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
