Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
