Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize