so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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