How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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