cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
only you would photoshop your dick
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
