i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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