Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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