I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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