Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
