You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
