I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
