Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
