I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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