Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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