i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
