This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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