the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
