How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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