i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
