Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
