God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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