haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
