you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
