I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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