We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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