I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
