I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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