so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
