she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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