I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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