he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
