He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
