Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
