Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I touched a dick in church today
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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