bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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