I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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