Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
