i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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