I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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