Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize