I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
