You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
