the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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