It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize