and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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