I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
