so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
