i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
