Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
