one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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