I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
