I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
its liver damage thursday
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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