No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm sobbing to NWA
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
