I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
