This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
