i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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