grandma shit on top of the toilet
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
