I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
