he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
