either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
