never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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